I have a friend who keeps asking me “what are your goals?” And suddenly since few days I see and hear that word everywhere. So that’s why I decided to write about it today.
Actually, why is he asking that is because he knows I’m a little lost at the moment… About my future and things I want to do, now or later. If I have long term goals or just short term goals, or any goals at all…? Everybody should have some goals to get on with their life, and it’s the first time for me that I’m looking for my goals, searching for them.
When I left France for Brazil about 2,5 half months ago, I was very stressed. All the people I had around me at that moment, can confirm it. I was crying all the time, taking care about other peoples problems, arguing with my boyfriend… anything was feeling right. And just before I left, my friends told me to take care about myself and to concentrate on me and no-one else during the time I’ll pass in Brazil. And that was my most important goal I’ve had in long time. I decided I will take care of me, be happy and enjoy! It became a kind of mantra for me, and it’s needless to say that I really took it seriously! 😉 One week after I arrived, I was already wondering why I didn’t left before? And why I left for only 3 months?! (Actually for that I didn’t have any choice, because I was leaving with a tourist visa and not a student visa, as I wasn’t registered as a student in Europe anymore on 2015…)
So yes, I’ve been feeling very good here and have finally done things I had never time to do before, as writing a blog, taking yoga classes, go out much more I used to and meet new people…I’ve been feeling happy, free and concentrated only on myself.
So now, the three months here in Brazil are almost finished, but I don’t feel I’m ready to leave. I don’t think that I’m ready to close this chapter and open another… So yes, I’ve been looking for a work here with the goal to get a working visa and stay more in this marvelous country. I will pass all the details, because nothing is sure yet, I will let you know more about theses projects once I know more…
But the point is that this project, and all these plans have been a very big mess of feelings. One day I’m feeling super happy and confident of all my projects and future life and another day (like today) everything seems confused and impossible. The problem is that there’s a lot of things to take into consideration and I’m not always sure what I want exactly. My only goal until now was to enjoy, to be happy and free! But of course that’s not enough to go on, especially on long term. That’s a goal I will certainly keep my hole life, but not the only-one…
So, how to know what I want about my life? Because that’s the question… If I want to stay more in Brazil. I’ve also been thinking is this just a new way to run away from Paris, as I ran away from Finland when life there wasn’t interesting me anymore? And don’t get me wrong! I still care a lot about people there, and I know there are some who are really waiting for me to come back. But at the same time if I want to continue on following my first goal, to be happy and free, I know it will not be back in Paris that I can really follow it. Because life in Paris haven’t interested me in few years already… I just didn’t have the choice before. And that’s my problem now, I actually have too much choices and everything is running through my head… I’m thinking about staying here, going to France but then move to another city, or going to Finland… Or much more things.
I think my goal is to do things that I will not regret later. To enjoy now that I can because I don’t have children, a stable work, a house to pay or other things like that. Yes, I also want to get some good working experience, and I know here in Foz that is possible for me, as it’s a very touristic city and there’s a lot of opportunities in sustainable tourism, which is the one that interests me the most… And I also want to learn Portuguese better, that’s another goal I want to reach if I can stay here more. Three months had really not be enough to learn a new language.
But I don’t know for how long time I would like to stay, if it’s only 3 months more, 6 months or a year? I don’t know. Maybe that depends if I feel I have reached my other goals…?
In any case I have to make urgent decisions or find solutions fast, because my flight back to Paris is in less than 3 weeks… Tomorrow I’m going to the airport to check the possibility of change it (as on the internet site that didn’t work!). I hope I can do it…even a week more to get things more clear here, would be great!
This post was maybe more personnel than usually, but this is what I have in my head at the moment. Next time I’ll try to tell you some details about Brazilians ;). And give some news about this situation of course!
This because I’m an endless dreamer too. I love dreaming, but now that I’ve decided to have more goals, maybe more of my dreams can become true…?