One way ticket to Finland…

I came back from Brazil about one month ago. This month have gone fast, but it have been full of emotions and events. I miss Brazil, every day. Especially that I’m in daily contact with great people from there, I see all events and different happenings on Facebook and Instagram, I can’t help that I really felt in love with the country and the people.

At the moment it’s +35 C in Paris, which is  a LOT, and that’s the only thing that makes me happy to be here, and not in Foz do Iguaçu. Because it’s “winter” there, cold and rainy, and I don’t like cold. Even that tonight I’m trying to have some air in the apartment by opening the door and windows, or on daytime I’m working on black suit in places without air conditioning, I still prefer to be too hot, than to be cold! …And this brings to my next worry. Even I know we shouldn’t worry about the future (like one friend said to me; “Who do you think you are to know about it?”).

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This week I booked a one way ticket for Finland. No return, only one way. Last time I booked a one-way ticket for somewhere was in September 2009, from Helsinki to Paris.

But, that’s how life works. You never know what’s happening next. Once you can be happily in love, sure about what you want, and an other moment, you don’t think the same anymore, and everything changes. You find yourself by dreaming about a different life, where people you’ve loved until now, don’t fit anymore, because they are not having the same dreams. So you start to pack your things, sort your clothes, throw out everything you don’t need and put 6 years of your life in luggage. It’s not easy, but it needs to be done. You also find yourself living whit a friend in her little studio, where you don’t have any privacy to toilet or shower, but where you have dinners and breakfasts together, and time for conversations, jogging, shopping and other things you didn’t do so much together last years.

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As you know you will leave, you want to enjoy the city, the country, friends and family. You also need to keep your mind occupied because all this situation is difficult. It’s not because you took the decision to leave and because you want to do it, that it’s easy! It’s not.

Last Saturday I took the train for Le Mans, to visit my grand parents and cousins. With train it can be only one hour from Paris, but I don’t go there often, actually I’ve been seeing my french family really too rarely, knowing the fact that they are so close.  It felt really good to spend 5 days there, to see my cousins who grow up very fast at the moment (the oldest one just celebrated his 18 years birthday!) and to enjoy french countryside. Especially with this heat, it’s much easier to breath anywhere else than in Paris!

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France is my home country. Until I was 20 years old it was always my second home, the place where I had family, where I left for holidays, where I had my first boyfriend… And in 2009 Finland and France changed roles, Finland became the destination for holidays, and the place to miss.

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But, I love France; the food, the climate, the landscapes, the flowers, the dark nights and shutters in windows, french peoples hypocrisy and the way they complain all the time (I know, I do that too!), the culture! There’s a lot of things I’ve always been complaining about french people, but today I love them, and the country have so much beautiful places all over, which I haven’t seen, that I know I will always come back here.  And like every place where I go, I have great people here, who I’ll miss. Some of them I was used to see every week, some only every 6 months, or once a year…

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So, earlier I said I was worried. I’m just wondering how I will feel back in Finland. Many returner have said it’s not the same when you go there for holiday and when you really go back. Even that, I’m not thinking I really go back, I just go there for little more longer than usually, to see how things are going there. I can’t wait to spend time with my family and friends, and have more time to see them than usually, but I’m also wondering that fall is coming, and with that the darkness, the cold, the rain… And if I stay long enough, even the snow!

But I’m not there yet, I’ll see what will happen….

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