Life is about making choices.
And this spring I struggled with a lot of choices; Weather to stay in Brazil and start working there, weather to go back to Paris and continue my life there with my boyfriend and get a work from there, weather to leave to another city in France, to move to Finland, to break up and do my life…. For a 25 years bilingual girl, not afraid of new things and changes, there was a lot of opportunities that appeared on me. I had finished my studies in tourism and could do what ever I wanted. In Brazil I met a lot of great people and had job offers, and I was seriously thinking to ask a working visa and stay there for longer.
But I had unfinished things in Paris, so I decided to go back there and do things properly. I also choose to not stay in Paris for longer than 1,5 month and move to Finland. Everything happened very fast, but that was what I choose. Even that there would have been work in Paris, and I didn’t know if there was going to be some work in Finland. I just decided, that I’ll go and see!
I know, last week I was writing about a job I’ll start in Lapland in November… And I’m still thinking it’s a good thing. But meanwhile, I haven’t been working on full-time since OCTOBER last year! And I am in Finland since 2 months, so I have had quit long holidays…. Too long! It’s not only abut the money, it’s also about feeling frustrated and useless!
I’ve been passing some time with a friend and her 2-months old baby, and I’ve realized how important it’s to feel useful. I was feeling so good and important when I took the baby for a walk, for that my friend could rest a little! And when I was taking care about the baby so that my friend could shower… Those little moments made me feel so important, because I haven’t done anything for someone else in a long time. (And I didn’t think I would say that one day, because 6 months ago I was complaining to never have time to me and always helping other people!)
Some moments I’m thinking that I’ve been really crazy to leave from Brazil, or from Paris… There I could always do SOMETHING, even if it was being a hostess and serve nothing else as a flowerpot, it was some work and I was payed for it. In Brazil I met a lot of young entrepreneurs who have started their own business and I was thinking that this country is full of great opportunities! Paris, is the 1st touristic destination and a city of events and trades and what ever happenings, and there’s all kind of work and possibilities!
But I choose to come to Finland, where is nature, great landscapes for running, apples and berries in the garden, a lot of space, not much people, no hurry, good friends and family, lakes, sauna, wonderful biking possibilities… But no work, and no interesting opportunities.
I’m getting some offers from Lapland regularly, because it’s the only place in Finland where tourism works and where people speaking french are needed. But it’s not for now, it’s for winter, for few months.
I am still waking up every morning and trying to fill my days with things to do: I’m going out with our dog, spending hours on sending job applications, reading, writing, running, meeting friends, doing yoga, cutting the grass, cooking… My sister just said “I have a feeling you are more busy than me, even that your are the one who’s not working”. That’s probably true, I just can’t stand my days without doing nothing and feeling useless!
So, I am not regretting any of the choice I’ve done, and the year is not finished yet, anything can happen… I am just realizing how much a person can pass trough different phases in a short time and how feelings can change with big life changes. At the moment I am frustrated and not very excited about the Finnish autumn, but at the same time I’m still happy of being here, seeing my friends and discovering Finland again!