Thoughts after three months in Finland

It’s been exactly 3 months that I came to Finland. That feels strange, because when I left Brazil after 3 months, earlier this year, I had a feeling that it was too soon and time had gone way too fast. Now, after 3 months in Finland I’m just really surprised; “ONLY three months?!” I have a feeling I’ve been here for ever!

Apparently time takes different dimensions depending on our situations….

Since I came to Finland, especially last few weeks, I think I’ve been the deepest than ever before in my life. I’ve got letters from my bank that my credit card is blocked until I update my bank account with some money, I’ve been borrowing cash and asking food from my friends and family, I’ve been almost crying in a social worker office to get some money to survive…

But still, I can’t complain.

I have a house, where I live for free, with the best and worst flatmate ever; my sister. And the house has a garden, a freezer and a cellar full of food… I might have complained in August about all those food-saving projects I had, but now I’m really happy I did all that!

I also have all those great, old and new friends, who cook for me and invites me to their houses saying ” Don’t worry, our little returner, we take care about you…” 😉

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I’ve been more than lucky, even home-made sushis!

And, today at the end of October, is the first day, that autumn looks like I was afraid it’s going to be much earlier. It’s been dark and rainy the whole day, and all I wanted to do, was to stay in bed and do nothing.  But that weather came only today! Until now every day was sunny and beautiful, full of awesome colors.

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Few weeks ago I also got to see the most beautiful northern lights I’ve ever seen in my life (well, I’ve seen some auroras maybe once or twice in my whole life!). That moment was magic and very, very beautiful… And while I was watching those green-reddish, moving colors, between the dark lake and black sky, I was thinking about all my friends in France and Brazil, with who I’ve been talking about those lights many many times… And that now I was so lucky to watch them for real.

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Luckily there was a photographer-friend at the same time, because with my camera it was impossible to take any pics!

So, no, even I have no money and no work, I have many reasons to not complain.

But, during these last months I’ve realized what are those things that make us to feel good, and gives some happiness in our lives. Of course this is about me, and what I feel, but I think these are very general things and can apply on anyone:

Stability. It’s not about money or work itself, but it’s about being independent, capable to assure your life by yourself. And it’s about tomorrow. When you have  no work and no money, the worst thing is to not know what’s going to happen tomorrow, next week, or in four months…. Nothing in your life is stable, and that’s very difficult to handle.

And I really have to say; Maybe money doesn’t bring us happiness, but it really contributes on that!

Meaningfulness.  I’ve already talked about this in some previous posts, but to do something meaningful about your life, is super important as well. To work, is important. When we are working, we often complain about our work, colleagues, working hours… etc. But when we don’t work we realize how much we miss to be with those colleagues and to do something for someone else.

“We need something meaningful to do, to feel meaningful.”

A home. It’s quit strange… I’ve always said that I feel at home easily everywhere and get adapted very fast. Now, in Finland, by living with my sister in our old childhood-house, I’ve realized the thing I miss most from Paris, is my home. The apartment I used to live for last 4 years. That’s because I was really feeling at home there. I knew exactly where were all the things, I was able to decide about everything, and it was our place. I was sharing it with my ex boyfriend, and the most of the things related on house-keeping belonged to me. Besides, it was a nice apartment and I really got attached with it!

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Only a little peace of my old apartment, with the avocado that I was growing since many years…. Hope it’s still alive.

All I’m saying, that maybe we should all pass trough some difficult moments in our lives, to realize things better. I’ve been crying, complaining, and feeling completely lost and regretting decisions I’ve took, and I’m still not out of this hole, but I know things will change and be better soon…

And I am super thankful to my friends and family who’ve been helping me <3.

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